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How to Stop Putting Others Needs First & Get Yours Met!

Last week I wrote that February would be dedicated as Self Love month, and I would interview Voices of Feminine Leadership from Ancient Israel.  The first program with Dorit Lev Meir left me excited for the next interviews.

Yet it hasn’t been so easy. I’ve met up with surprising resistance. One had challenges with technology, several others expressed desire to “help me out” (like they’re doing me a favor), but felt uneasy being interviewed. I was struck by what I sensed was secret distrust of another woman giving THEIR VOICE a place to be seen and heard.   Why is this such a foreign concept?

Why do we so easily shut down even when others are supporting us to get our needs met?

I understand my friends behavior. I too have had a tendency to freeze when someone actually shows up to support me in my endeavors. As a pioneer, I’ve been so accustomed to having to do everything on my own and helping everyone else out to get my own needs met.

In addition, I have been stung so many times by other women, pretending to be my friend, only when I supported them, it got turned around and used against me. (This is a meaty subject for it’s own article).

Are you over accommodating others needs and under-accommodating your own?I find that both myself and so many of my clients have a long history of over-accommodating other people’s needs and under-accommodating our own, even when we know that we are neglecting ourselves, and we know that we will feel stressed because we have not done the work we intended to do. Why is this?

Why do my colleagues and I have this built-in tendency to put ourselves last?

And why is this theme so prevalent in the work I do with powerful women? We are all intelligent, accomplished women. We should know better, but somehow, when the call comes from our parents, adult children, family members and friends, the conversation that asks what we need, or need to resolve, and what is right and best for us gets pushed aside.

Other people’s needs override our own because they somehow ring more loudly in our ears, and feel more important in our hearts. We’re not used to having our voices heard.

One reason why this happens for so many women is that we come from a long history where the feminine voice was silenced and ignored. I, and many of my clients, come from families where what our mothers and grandmothers needed was not inquired after or honored.

The time has come for us to feel safe having our voices honored and heard. When we do this, our needs can finally be met.  In service to this objective…I’ve created a short 3 minute poll to discover what is most important for YOU to resolve. I’ll report the responses in a future post, and create a free resource to address the most popular one.

Can’t wait to hear from you. I’m REALLY curious to hear your voice!!!

All the best, Eliana

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