One of the most common things I see in healing professionals who reach out to me is a shared experience: disappointment in ourselves.
We all feel this because we constantly fail to meet our own high standards:
- We aren’t as disciplined as we’d like.
- We don’t stick to habits we’re trying to create.
- We aren’t as productive as we plan to be.
- We leave personal and professional tasks undone.
- We fail to exercise as much as we’d like and eat as healthily as we want.
- We aren’t the best parent, partner, friend, or professional that we think we should be.
These unmet expectations lead to frustration and disappointment, feelings that many of us endure throughout the day.
A friend of mine, also a dedicated healing professional, recently shared her disappointment in herself for not achieving all she set out to do. I saw myself in her: I am never all that I hope to be. I constantly fail, like everyone else.
So, what can we do about it? Here are some strategies I’ve been using to navigate these challenging emotions, and I hope this guide serves us all in dealing with these difficult feelings. We’ve got a VERY lively discussion going on in Our Healing Voices Facebook group. Come on over and join us.
Step 1: Noticing the Signals
The first step, as always, is awareness: pause right now and turn inward to see if you are feeling frustrated or disappointed with yourself for anything.
Are there any goals you haven’t accomplished? Habits you haven’t stuck to? Relationships where you feel you’re not giving your best? Projects you’ve procrastinated on?
These feelings are signals that you have expectations of yourself that you aren’t meeting. While these expectations aren’t always realistic, failing to meet them often leads us to feel like we are the failure.
Step 2: Giving Yourself Space
Once we recognize these feelings, we need to give them some space. Allow these emotions to exist without trying to push them away or wishing they didn’t exist. How do these feelings manifest in your body? Where do you feel them? What kind of energy do they carry? Acknowledge that feeling this way is normal and perfectly okay.
Step 3: Giving Yourself Compassion
If a friend were hurting like this, how would you comfort them? Could you offer them a hug, some compassionate words, or simply your presence? Take a moment to do the same for yourself. You are no less worthy of kindness and compassion. As silly as it might seem, tell yourself you deserve this care.
Step 4: See the Greatness of the Present
Now that we’ve comforted ourselves a bit, let’s change the narrative. The story so far has been: you aren’t good at X, or Y, or Z (pick your poison :-)…. And so we feel bad about not being good at X, or Y, or Z.
Let’s turn from the self we haven’t been to the self we are. This self might have “failed” at X, but it has also succeeded in many ways. This self has tried, cared, loved, and strived for better. It has made an effort, wanted the best for others, and been the best it can be, even if imperfectly. This self deserves recognition and love for all its efforts.
Now turn to the present moment: what about yourself and the moment you’re in can you be grateful for? What is great about yourself and this present moment right now?
Step 5: Work with Curiosity
Going forward, let’s practice letting go of our expectations for how we’ll perform today or in life and instead adopt an attitude of curiosity. We don’t know how things will go, and that’s okay. Let’s find out: what will today be like? How will it unfold?
Be curious, with an attitude of not-knowingness. It’s fun to discover things!
Yes, expectations will arise, we will fail to meet them, and we will feel frustration and disappointment again. This is part of the process. When we notice this happening, we need to repeat these steps. That’s how it works – constantly renewing, never done.
As we get better at this, I promise, we’ll learn to see things with new curiosity, gratitude for every moment, and a more loving and kind view of our constantly striving selves. These selves are wonderful, and that realization is worth the ever-constant journey.
Taking Time Out in Retreat
Taking time out for a retreat can provide a much-needed perspective shift. When we step away from our daily routines and immerse ourselves in a new environment, we allow ourselves to gain clarity and renewal. Retreats offer a structured space to practice self-care, reflect, and reconnect with our inner selves. By investing this time in ourselves, we return with a fresh outlook, better equipped to handle the frustrations and disappointments that life throws our way.
If you’re ready to gain a new perspective and invest in your well-being, book a call with me today. Let’s explore how a retreat can help you fully express yourself and practice self-care in meaningful ways.